Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
