So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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