Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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