CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
