I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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