She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
