I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
