My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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