if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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