You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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