So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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