Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
