Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
