i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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