I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
