yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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