I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
