Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
