shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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