She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
