'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
