so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize