Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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