Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
