She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
