Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
