I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
