my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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