i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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