I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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