he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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