i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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