Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
