I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
