she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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