my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
