Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
