Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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