oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize