Too much gin, very little bucket
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So much Jack, so little girl.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
