this just has baby written all over it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
