i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
