are you so shy because you have an std?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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