I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
