Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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