You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
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He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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