You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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