is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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