Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
