have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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