Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
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Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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