you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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