Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
