i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
