Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
