I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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