I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize