You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
