The maid of honor just puked.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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