You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
they're like a gay fantastic four
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
