i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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