it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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