haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
