Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
