I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
