that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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