I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
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She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
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how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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