We won't sleep together?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Randomize
