A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
