Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
